Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
