and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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