It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
