My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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