Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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