I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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