I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
