dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize