I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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