I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just had sex on a roof
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
