that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
