i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
