oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
