I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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