I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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