Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
