why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
