i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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