Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
