i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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