You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
