Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
