How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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