I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
