I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
