you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You have to summon your inner elephant
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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