So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize