Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
