sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
