I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
