I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
