he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
