I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
