My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
