i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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