I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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