No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
