Got a toothbrush?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
