I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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