I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
As shirtless as possible
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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