I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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