Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
