I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
All the doctor said was why
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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