My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
