Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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