Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
