Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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