Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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