He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you had me at cake vodka
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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