Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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