Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
