We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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