There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
too bad you live with your parents still
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
