I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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