I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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