im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
