I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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