oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
