It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize