I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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