Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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