It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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