Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
